


Lost in the Woods of Winter

by NWCountrygirl17



Category: Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Memory Lane, all that's old is new again, killer russian heart eyes, winter widow - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-04 22:17:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15850524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NWCountrygirl17/pseuds/NWCountrygirl17
Summary: when she catches wind of young girls being abducted and sold Natasha decides to take a trip down memory lane to do what no one ever did for her and get them to safety. though she resists Bucky insists on joining her on their first duo mission since his joining of the Avengers. the two struggle with juggling the job with coming to terms with their pasts and the rekindled attraction between them.





	1. Chapter 1

 

_Looking everywhere haven’t found him yet_

_He’s the big affair I cannot forget_

_Only man I ever think of with, re-gret_

This was an important mission, Bucky knew they were in Istanbul trying to get to the bottom of a trafficking ring. Natasha had been reluctant in bringing a partner along but this was a personal case for her, the group’s specialty was young girls. He knew better than most anyone still alive what her childhood was and didn’t like the notion of her having to relive it alone.

_There’s someone I’m longing to see_

_I hope that he, turns out to be_

_Someone to watch over me_

He was finding it harder and harder to concentrate on keeping an eye on their mark. Leaning on at the bar every sweep his eyes did of the lounge they halted at the striking redhead singing on stage. Really it was less singing than a form of the Black Widow lulling her prey into a false sense of ease and security.

_Won’t you tell him to put on some speed_

_Follow my lead, oh how I need_

_Someone to watch over me_

Goddamn, she was beautiful. They had been back in each other’s orbit for a while now, and there were times he looked out at her noticing as if for the first time, the way she moved while training, her eyes narrowing doing research, the little moan that escaped when she drank a cup of coffee. Bucky had tried to avoid her to keep his feelings in check and secret. Even in the guise of the Winter Soldier, he’d only heard her sing a handful of times and it never ceased to amaze him.

_I hope that he turns out to be_

_Oh please please be someone to watch_

_Over me_

Shit, caught like a fly in a web. She made eye contact knowing full well he was watching her more than the room.

“Ladies and gentlemen, once again the angel tones of Ms. Nadia Rabenek.”

The room erupted in applause and even some whistles as Natasha walked off the stage. If this hadn’t been an important sting, or had it been any other woman than Natasha ‘ _Red Death’_ Romanoff, he’d tell the men whistling at the bar to have some respect for the lady. That wouldn’t do, not here, not with her.

“Peter, vodka rocks please,” Natasha said taking the empty stool beside him at the bar. “When I agreed to let you come you were supposed to scoping out the room, not me.”

“Any man who doesn’t get distracted with you up there is deaf and blind.” Bucky put a soft kiss to her cheek. “Corner table far side from the stage, slick blonde hair, he’s not going anywhere.

“Don’t forget, we have a deadline,” Natasha glance around. “My contact says the move is happening in three days.”

“And we’ll have them safe long before that,” he raised his gloved hand to her shoulder. “Everything’s going according to plan, we just have to be careful.”

“I know how to do my Job, in case you’ve forgotten.”

“I haven’t,” he chewed his next words carefully. “But I also remember enough to know this isn’t just another job to you. How could it be?”

“Is this why you wanted to come along?” she shot him a warning look. “I could’ve brought Steve, or Clint, or Logan. I wouldn’t have to listen to this psycho-babble from any of them.”

“With all due respect,” Bucky tucked a stray hair behind her ear. “You know you don’t work off any of them like you do with me.”

“Careful, you almost sound cocky.”

“Drink for you, Ms. Rabenek,” Peter the bartender interrupted their quiet sparring match placing a tall glass of white wine next to her. “Compliments of the gent at the end of the bar.”

“Right parlor, wrong fly,” Bucky muttered as the stranger approached. “How do we play this?”

“ _We,_ haven’t been made,” Natasha hissed back. “So, _you,_ shut up and let me do my job.”

“Ms. Nadia, voice of an angel and a face to match.” He bowed to take and kiss her hand. “Edward Blackburne. May I have the honor of you joining me for a round?”

“That’s very sweet Mr. Blackburne,” she moved purposefully closer to Bucky resting her hand on his chest. “Unfortunately my company for the evening has already been promised.”

“You wound a man, love,” he was bolder than most. He took a step closer to Natasha even daring to brush her shoulder. “Sure I can’t convince you to change your mind?”

“I think you heard the lady,” Bucky snarled, not even sure himself if he was being protective as a part of his cover or genuine feelings coming to the surface. “The polite response is to take no for an answer.”

“And who are you to make me pal?”

“I’m the guy asking you to be a drunk prick somewhere else.” He moved closer to Edward. “And the one saying if you touch her again I’ll break you in half.”

“John, John, stop it,” In a way only Natasha could she shoved him away, appearing light as a feather tap. Eyes darting quickly to their target and back. “Let’s get out of here, right now.”

“More than ready, doll,” Bucky offered her his masked Vibranium arm, as they walked out of the lounge rushing into the busy street. “We got it?”

“Oh yeah, tracker was in the champagne and it works for double our window.” Natasha steered them faster away from the club. “We’ll know when he goes to make the exchange.”

“You feeling that? On your six,” they ducked into an alley as far out of the light as they could get. He pulled her close and started kissing her with one hand against the wall. “How much longer?”

“Give or take twenty seconds,”

“Down this way, it’s two blocks and a rooftop to the hotel,” she pushed him away when both were satisfied they were clear. “Who knows, maybe we’ll have to sneak into the room”

“Tease.”


	2. Old Habits Are Hard to Kill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> familiar surroundings spark old memories past comes to the present for two experts of the undercover game

“You know I could’ve handled that idiot back there,” Natasha said once they were back secured in the room. “Sure, he was obnoxious but mostly harmless.”

“I know,” he said closing the drapes while she changed out of her cocktail dress in the bathroom. “Not much you can’t handle. Just thought you shouldn’t have to.”

“Defending a lady’s honor,” her smirk was in her voice walking back into the room. The comfortable sweats she was wearing now was a drastic change from her undercover attire. “Guess you can take the boy out of the ’30s but you can’t take the 30’s out of the boy.”

“Friendly reminder ‘Tasha I’m only about 10 years older than you.”

“Details,”

“So this Darren Ledge,” he had to get to a new topic and at the moment shop was the safest one either of them could hope for. “How far up do we think he is?”

“Far enough to have more than one stamp on his passport for Madripoor and Latveria,” she switched on the stereo enough that it would distort anyone listening. Spy paranoia at its finest. “15 missing girls could just be the iceberg tip here.”

“Latveria? You think we could get a line to Doom with this?”

“Not very likely.” Natasha allowed. “ But, I’m a big fan of anything that has a chance to ruin Victor Von Doom’s day.”

“Fair enough,” Bucky took off his glove for the first time since leaving the hotel hours earlier. He stopped and stared at the Vibranium. Natasha caught him and quietly asked if he was okay. “It’s unreal, sometimes I can almost feel the stickball bat in my hand from when I was a kid.”

“Stickball?”

“Like baseball in the street, Old staple of childhood in Brooklyn.”

“Were you any good?”

“Best in the neighborhood,” he flashed back to summer days when all of Brooklyn was a playground, Happier simpler days. “I used to threaten to ditch if they didn’t let Steve play.”

“What was he like back then?” she’d always wondered but would never ask if Captain America wasn’t over an ocean away. “Everyone knows about how the serum changed him physically but what was, what should we call him? What was Skinny Steve like?”

 “Well take the righteous, sacrificing, blonde asshat we know right now and make him 10 times worse.” Bucky was constantly awed by people who idolized Steve, a part of him would always see his friend as the sickly kid who was too brave for his own good and too stupid to run away. “He never met a bully he didn’t pick a fight with. Sometimes he’d catch you feeling sorry for him and he’d shut it down fast. Steve didn’t want anyone’s pity and he wouldn’t take it.”

“We were taught about his transformation,” Natasha sat down on the bed undoing her high bun letting long red curls fall to frame her face. “ That makes sense, knowing the only one who could handle that strength is someone who never had any.”

“If anything those muscles leveled him out. He’ll still fight if he has a reason but at least he’s smarter about it.” Bucky took off his button up shirt tossed it in the corner. “Even if he is still a stupid punk.”

“Do you mind?” she balked at him. “This is my room.”

“ _Our_ room Natalia,” he flashed a smile much more suggestive than he’d meant it to be. “Least for a few days.”

“Yeah, and one bed,” she was playing along, getting up from the bed Walking toward him. “Last time I let Nick Fury be in charge of travel arrangements for a cover.”

“Don’t blame Fury,” Sharing a room wasn’t the best way to keep each other at arm’s length but he had to admit he enjoyed the stolen moments together no looming threat, no Avengers to interrupt them. “Quick once over of this place, it doesn’t even have a computer system mix up was an easy one to make. Besides is being stuck with me really so terrible?”

“I’ve had worse assignments,” history was not a pretty thing especially for them but it had always been worse when others were pulling the strings. “Remember Kazakh in ’56?”

“Pulling off a contract in the middle of a nuclear meltdown not the KGB’s best plan.”

“We got it done didn’t we?” Natasha took a step closer, fingers teasing the scruff of his short beard. “I don’t remember hearing you complain the next night before we had to report back in.”

“I had nothing to complain about,” they were close, dangerously close, lips only inches apart. Bucky forced himself to move away, there was no escape to use as an excuse this time, this heat was the real deal. “It’s late, you get some sleep I’ll take the first watch.”

“You don’t have to do that,” she said as he removed his gun from his waistband. “We’re adults and professionals, we can sleep in the same bed.”

“Will you stop being stubborn for once, and accept the  damn gesture?” Bucky settled into the adjacent chair one foot casually on the ottoman. “I don’t need that much sleep and this job takes more out of you than me.”

“Barnes,”

“Romanoff, seriously,” he said warningly. “Please just go to sleep.”

“Fine I’m exhausted any way,” She conceded getting into bed. “Goodnight,”

“Goodnight,”

Now he remembered how boring it was sleeping in shifts dark and quiet. He’d turned off the stereo after Natasha had fallen asleep and the only sound in the room was her breathing. When preparing for this mission he’d assumed they’d be in separate bedrooms and keep watch without her knowing.

Every 20 minutes he rotated silently from chair to the window and back.  the side of him that still had the surgical instincts of a trained killer helped to quiet the feelings of uncertainty that had growing since he had become one of the team.

The silence of the room was broken at two o’clock in the morning by muffled cries from Natasha clearly fighting in her sleep. “Natalia?” She remained asleep breathing heavily trying to fend off an imaginary enemy; or more likely reliving the memory of one all too real. “Natalia?”

“ _perestan'te ikh obizhat_ ” the nightmare continued, as he drew closer she tried to take a swing in his direction forcing him to pin her to the bed holding  her fist in his vibranium hand. “ _Net._ ”

“Natalia,” he shook her gently as her eyes flickered open. “Hey, hey it’s me you’re safe.”

“James?” she breathed regaining her bearings. “Where are we?”

“Istanbul, you were dreaming,” he shifted off of her to lying beside her. His eyes were still trained on her as color returned to her face. “Can I get you some water or something?”

“No, could we just stay like this for a while?”

“Sure,”

“So, you’re not gonna ask?” Natasha spoke, finally looking at him. “About what I was dreaming about?”

“Because you were screaming in Russian? No,” He wanted to be a place she could feel safe, but so much of who they were had been about pressure and conditioning, who they were now he would not push her before she was ready. “All our old rules still apply Nat. You wanna talk I’ll listen, whatever you don’t wanna say is none of my business.”

“1946 I was,17, 18, I was young and stupid,” she didn’t have to recall the dream the memory was clear, buried and thought long forgotten but clear. “I thought I could get out with some of the younger girls. They had to teach me my place.”

“I kinda figured this job would bring back something like that,” it was easier being the Soldier before the KGB had bought his services, he’d follow his orders and only have a shadow of his former life in a far corner of his mind. When he first saw the black widow program training his eyes were locked on her and he gained back a piece of his humanity. “We’re going to get them back. I’m sorry you didn’t have anyone, no one who would step up and fight to save you."

"Some people don't get to be saved." Natasha put a tender hand to his Vibraniuim arm solid metal but still a sense of heat as if there were blood and muscle underneath instead of hardware. "Some can only hope to get to a day they're forgotten altogether."

"So what does that mean for the ones who are never saved, people like us?" Bucky asked quietly. "Is there a chance of being anything other than old broken guns, with no real happiness?"

"People like us," she repeated. "We have what we have for as long as we have it."

"Is that ever going to be enough?"

"Maybe, maybe not," Natasha leaned in enough to put a soft kiss to his lips. "But since when are  _we_ ever in a position to ask for more? I remember in the Red Room we had a game we played at night.”

“What kind of game?”

“Seems so stupid now, we called it _in a better world_ ,” she qualified it to herself as much as to him, justifying telling a secret that had never been revealed to another soul before. “It would never even be mentioned during the day for fear of discovery. Once we got cuffed to our beds for the night we would whisper what we would want to do if we had any choice. Dreams for kids.”

“Doesn’t matter, it was one good thing to hold onto.”

“Some girls wanted to go back and find their families, one or two wanted to be doctors. One wanted to go into space and just get lost in the stars.” Silence hung in the air, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to bring up her own hurtful details of the past. “Me, you know my secret.”

"And I’m honored that you trusted me with it, _beautiful ballerina,”_ she’d told him that one night they’d been together secretly after a mission, he didn’t know how to respond at the time except to promise her admission would be safe with him. “I had a secret too. When I could get a flash of my past. In a better world, I would’ve met you in New York in 1941, come home after the  war and we would’ve started a real life together.”

“Pretty fairy tale, what we got was reality,” she gave a bitter kind of scoff, even in her formative years, Natasha forced herself to be colder than the world around her, “You wanna know the real he messed up part? I wouldn’t change what we had, another small good thing to hold onto.”

“If we were in a _better world_ ,”

“If we were in a better world,”

They didn’t need to talk anymore. Okay, they needed to talk _a lot_ more, but that conversation had waited decades it could wait a few more days. Tonight they were in mission mode helping each other though reliving the past. He reached to her and wipe d the tear tracks away with his vibranium hand stroking her jawline. Neither was sure who initiated the kiss but next thing they knew they were wrapped up in each other and it was too late to retreat even if they had wanted to. the outside world and even the job they were here to do melted away as both vibranium and human hands quickly removed her sweatshirt and pulled her closer, the kisses deepened before his lips started grazing her skin. It had been so many years since they had been together like this though it felt like no time had passed.

“I love you, Natalia, then and now,” she’d fallen back asleep in this arms. “Maybe one day you’ll be ready to hear me, I’ll be ready to say it.”

She was right of course. the fantasy of a simple perfect life hadn't been what brought them together. No, that distinction went to horrors and darkness, right or wrong it formed a bond that couldn't be broken by time, distance or even amnesia and mind control. They didn't live in a better world, they lived in this one where true good moments were few and far between but damn well worth holding onto for dear life. This night had been a good moment.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good lordie it's hard to get these two just right. I'm treating this as the first time since their old days where they let themselves get this close to happiness. sorry the update took so long real life's been kicking my tail lately hope to get another chap up soon and would like to get a couple reveiws first (kudos are great but PLEASE COMMENT)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone this story basically sprang out of a day at work listening to my musicals pandora and 'Someone to watch over me' came on and started think just how perfect it would be for Winter Widow and The thought of James "big romantic dork" Barnes giving Nat heart eyes when she sings was too good to pass up. I've got a vague idea of how this is gonna go so stay tuned this should be a fun one.


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